I was meant to be starting a comical story today, but I've not been feeling in the right mood. But my mood has given me the urge to write something else.
Oh, and before you read this, I might be veeery slightly hungover, so this might not be of a high quality in the minds of some. But then, if I wasn't veeery slightly hungover, I'd be in a completely different mood.
And one last thing, sorry to certain imagery fanatics for not including much imagery. That would just make it even lamer, anyway.
I'm going to shut up now. Enjoy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you first saw me,
you ran towards me,
shouting my name.
And I thought,
"Why, oh why?
does my reputation always precede me?"
My friend warned me of you,
so I knew you would run,
and I knew you would shout.
And I thought,
"But who?
is this strange person?"
You talked to me,
and you laughed with me,
and you laughed at me.
And I thought,
"What is this feeling?
that I feel around you?"
You got drunk,
and you sung to me,
and you kissed me, lightly.
Later I thought,
"When will I see?
this person again?"
It was to be many weeks later.
I had forgotten you, almost.
You were shattered fragments of a memory.
So when I saw you again,
I thought,
"Where are those old feelings?
and when are they coming back?"
It was to be that very day.
You attached yourself to me.
You repieced those fragments.
So when we parted again,
I thought,
"When will I see?
this person again?"
When you next saw me,
your eyes widened,
your mouth smiled.
And I thought,
"Here we go?
once again?
You sat next to me,
and I knew your eyes would be wide,
and I knew your mouth would smile.
And I thought,
"What do I see?
in this strange person?"
You said you were worried for me,
and you cuddled me,
and you kissed me, passionately.
And I thought,
"What is this feeling?
that you are giving me?"
Then we parted ways once more,
but you weren't there to say bye,
and I had to go.
And I thought,
"When will I see?
you again?
Sometimes I think I can see you still.
But then you turn out to be a phantom.
I desperately need to know,
but you're not there to talk to.
And I think,
"Will I see you again?"
And I hope
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
OK, this was good, but I do have a few questions. first of all, how did your friend know the person before you. second, why did the person come up to you yelling. third, why did you stop seeing the person, and how did you see them again. fourth, who is this person, and how do you know them, besides through your friend.
Try to make those few things clearer, and I guess it cud b because of the slightly hungover thing that they werent clear, but it will be better.
Good job!
I think it is a very cute poem! I totally get the story. And i know at the beginning you analogized about not having any imagery. I disagree with you on one part. I don't think this poem would be lame if it had imagery. I think it would be better.
Keep writing!